A Suitable Boy: A Long List Cut Short
Vikran seth probably could have imagined the mental trauma of selecting a suitable match when he wrote the book ‘A Suitable Boy’ that’s why he decided to remain bachelor for the rest of his life. But try to imagine the mental torture a poor fellow goes through while selecting the right partner who meets the requirement of his parents as well as his criteria. A tough job, Huh! Especially in Indian culture where you can just meet a person a brief period over formal talks only. Recently someone asked me what would be the criteria for my ‘Suitable Boy’? “Who likes me and accepts me the way I am” was my instant answer, but it did’nt satisfied the person, so I was pressurized for a more elaborate explanation. It’s actually very tough to answer, as I don’t categorize people in good or bad category as such. I feel every individual has some or other unique quality that sets them apart. And also makes them really interesting to know further.
But still there are some factors which blend better than others and you feel that this is the one, with whom I would like to spend my life with. Here’s what I call my small list.
A True Human: Every one has positives and negatives, and that is which makes them different from each other. So, I don’t expect the person to be all goody and no flaws, because such characters exist either in Mills-n-boons stories or in Hindi movies and I don’t have any illusions about things. More so, I like the sweet-n-spicy flavor of life.
Respect for all: the primary ingredient for any relation is respect. Where there is no respect, there is no love. The person should not only respect for people and relations but values, tradition and culture too. It doesn’t mean you are following custom, caste and traditions religiously but at least respect their individuality and solidarity. The existence of caste and social status boundaries are not to create differences in the way people treat each other, they do have some better purpose also. See the bigger picture.
I not only respect people but things also. I don’t believe in the theory if you have in abundance you can waste it. Every utility helps makes your life better so it needs to be handled with care. A well maintained object is a boon and an ill-treated a Junk. And if you have so much that you are throwing away then why not give it to a less privileged one.
Professional: whatever you do, you should be sincere about it and pursue it passionately. Whether you are successful or not, but at least you have an interesting life to look forward to. Every morning is added with energy and freshness, when one has a purpose. The laid back or chalta-hai attitude is an absolute no. there are people who like the nine to five jobs and would like their respective hubby darlings to be home by six, but I don’t belong to this credo. I would love to see a person pursuing his dream and would like to support or even be a part of it if I can.
Understanding forms the foundation of all relationships. And a person learns to understand one relation from other. An individual who has seen his/her own parents happy married life had faith in marriage and is secure and successful in his own relationship with the spouse. They are well equipped to handle the ups and downs of such relationship. They know when to hold on and when to let go. A one who has been a good son will be a good father too. Understanding promotes the bonding between people, which strengthens the relation. It is what we feel for the other that matters than what it looks. So, I would like if my person besides being a good hubby is a good son, a caring brother and a doting father too.
Believes in God. God is my faith, trust, religion and life. I live in him, and without him I am nothing. I find myself very close to him and often turn to his refuge for strength, peace and answers. I am not one of those performing a lot pujas, fast or religious rituals. But I like visiting temples as I find a lot of peace and serenity in the environment. As a matter of fact, I like going to gurudwaras, churches and mosques as well whenever I get time. So I wish if the other person has at least some faith in God.
Progressive: without progress life stands still. It is not just limited to ones ambitions and career but in life also. My definition of progress is being open and flexible to change, an ability to assimilate and understand new ideas, environment and thinking and move ahead in life with times. In don’t means the mad race of material things and show-off but rather to “Grow” with each experience in life.
Cosmopolitan is the way I lived my life as being born n bought up in a city like Delhi which is a blend of all caste and cultures and celebrates all festivals in the true spirit. People here live their live to fullest without much interfering into matters relating to other people. Delhi people are the most flexible when it comes to adaptation and lifestyle. They are enterprising, versatile, colorful and open people. Their religion is humanity and they are friend in need, that’s the reason of Delhi progressing at such a fast rate than any other city of India. A person who had been into such an environment can better understand this.
Taste in Life: taste does not necessarily means indulging into luxuries, but rather one who appreciates quality in life. Whether it be clothing, living, music, food or whatever it matters, an understating and of finer things definitely brings harmony in life. I like a clean, fresh and welcoming home where one feels relaxed when is back from a tiring day, a home cooked meal and some soul stirring music. I like doing all that. And if the other person appreciates and likes similar, it’s a great joy.
Has a mind of his own: Most people are highly influenced by what others say, they do what others tell them to do, without thinking or applying their own mind. This does not mean that one should not listen to others, but do it with a open mind. Listening is important as it opens the doors of possibilities and makes understanding better too, but when comes to decisions or to make an opinion, trust your knowledge, mind and instincts.
The Personal Touch: This is the one quality that sets people apart from the league that is the very personal trait of a person. Though very few people are able to keep alive their creative side in this busy schedule of work, but those who do are really worth knowing in depth. Writing , poetry, sports, adventure sports and travel, music, singing, painting etc. not only help you distress but also provide a way of expression. I find such people very interesting and consider then truly intellectuals.
Well, this is my small list, but not mandatory one. Any suitors ! mail your entries soon.
But still there are some factors which blend better than others and you feel that this is the one, with whom I would like to spend my life with. Here’s what I call my small list.
A True Human: Every one has positives and negatives, and that is which makes them different from each other. So, I don’t expect the person to be all goody and no flaws, because such characters exist either in Mills-n-boons stories or in Hindi movies and I don’t have any illusions about things. More so, I like the sweet-n-spicy flavor of life.
Respect for all: the primary ingredient for any relation is respect. Where there is no respect, there is no love. The person should not only respect for people and relations but values, tradition and culture too. It doesn’t mean you are following custom, caste and traditions religiously but at least respect their individuality and solidarity. The existence of caste and social status boundaries are not to create differences in the way people treat each other, they do have some better purpose also. See the bigger picture.
I not only respect people but things also. I don’t believe in the theory if you have in abundance you can waste it. Every utility helps makes your life better so it needs to be handled with care. A well maintained object is a boon and an ill-treated a Junk. And if you have so much that you are throwing away then why not give it to a less privileged one.
Professional: whatever you do, you should be sincere about it and pursue it passionately. Whether you are successful or not, but at least you have an interesting life to look forward to. Every morning is added with energy and freshness, when one has a purpose. The laid back or chalta-hai attitude is an absolute no. there are people who like the nine to five jobs and would like their respective hubby darlings to be home by six, but I don’t belong to this credo. I would love to see a person pursuing his dream and would like to support or even be a part of it if I can.
Understanding forms the foundation of all relationships. And a person learns to understand one relation from other. An individual who has seen his/her own parents happy married life had faith in marriage and is secure and successful in his own relationship with the spouse. They are well equipped to handle the ups and downs of such relationship. They know when to hold on and when to let go. A one who has been a good son will be a good father too. Understanding promotes the bonding between people, which strengthens the relation. It is what we feel for the other that matters than what it looks. So, I would like if my person besides being a good hubby is a good son, a caring brother and a doting father too.
Believes in God. God is my faith, trust, religion and life. I live in him, and without him I am nothing. I find myself very close to him and often turn to his refuge for strength, peace and answers. I am not one of those performing a lot pujas, fast or religious rituals. But I like visiting temples as I find a lot of peace and serenity in the environment. As a matter of fact, I like going to gurudwaras, churches and mosques as well whenever I get time. So I wish if the other person has at least some faith in God.
Progressive: without progress life stands still. It is not just limited to ones ambitions and career but in life also. My definition of progress is being open and flexible to change, an ability to assimilate and understand new ideas, environment and thinking and move ahead in life with times. In don’t means the mad race of material things and show-off but rather to “Grow” with each experience in life.
Cosmopolitan is the way I lived my life as being born n bought up in a city like Delhi which is a blend of all caste and cultures and celebrates all festivals in the true spirit. People here live their live to fullest without much interfering into matters relating to other people. Delhi people are the most flexible when it comes to adaptation and lifestyle. They are enterprising, versatile, colorful and open people. Their religion is humanity and they are friend in need, that’s the reason of Delhi progressing at such a fast rate than any other city of India. A person who had been into such an environment can better understand this.
Taste in Life: taste does not necessarily means indulging into luxuries, but rather one who appreciates quality in life. Whether it be clothing, living, music, food or whatever it matters, an understating and of finer things definitely brings harmony in life. I like a clean, fresh and welcoming home where one feels relaxed when is back from a tiring day, a home cooked meal and some soul stirring music. I like doing all that. And if the other person appreciates and likes similar, it’s a great joy.
Has a mind of his own: Most people are highly influenced by what others say, they do what others tell them to do, without thinking or applying their own mind. This does not mean that one should not listen to others, but do it with a open mind. Listening is important as it opens the doors of possibilities and makes understanding better too, but when comes to decisions or to make an opinion, trust your knowledge, mind and instincts.
The Personal Touch: This is the one quality that sets people apart from the league that is the very personal trait of a person. Though very few people are able to keep alive their creative side in this busy schedule of work, but those who do are really worth knowing in depth. Writing , poetry, sports, adventure sports and travel, music, singing, painting etc. not only help you distress but also provide a way of expression. I find such people very interesting and consider then truly intellectuals.
Well, this is my small list, but not mandatory one. Any suitors ! mail your entries soon.
posted by NeeTo De' at
10:45 AM
1 Comments:
I was just commenting on my blog, as to how different girls have very different inclinations when it comes to choosing a life-partner, in a review of the book A Suitable Boy. However, Seth being a bachelor might have pointers towards his "unstraight" interests, to be politically correct...
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